The following post is by guest author Rolland Love. His website, OzarkStories.com includes many more of his writings and an ebook of fishing stories from the Ozarks. You can find all of Rolland’s books at his Amazon store.
When I thought I had told all of the stories I wanted to tell I remembered the outhouse. A structure sometimes called a privy, which everybody in the Ozarks had at least one of before indoor plumbing and electricity came along.
During the course of my youth and the times I frequented the little white building located a few hundred feet away from our farmhouse, I had some unusual experiences. Even though a few were traumatic and troublesome at the time, they seem funny now.
When I was about seven years old I sneaked a .22 rifle cartridge out of my dad’s hunting coat, took a wooden match from a box in the kitchen and headed for the outhouse to create a fireworks display. I laid the shell on the wooden seat, struck the match and when the flame touched the metal casing there was a loud explosion.
Moments later I shoved open the heavy oak door, stumbled outside and ran toward my mother who was working in the garden. My final words before I fell onto the ground were “I’m blind.” What happened was when I looked down at my thumb and saw the brass shell casing sticking out of the nail that had been blown there by the explosion and saw blood dripping onto my bare leg, I fainted. When my mother poured water on my face I came around and realized I could still see even though things looked blurry. Next, my dad got the pliers and pulled the casing from my thumb and I fainted once again.
When I was about ten years old during a bitter cold winter day I slammed the wooden door shut and the hook on the outside fell into the latch and I was trapped until my grandpa came to use the privy. He almost had a heart attack when he opened the door and I knocked him down as I rushed outside to escape.
There were spiders and snakes in the summer who liked to share the outhouse with us humans and once a opossum was waiting inside because the door had blown open and he was seeking shelter from the winters day. As slow as those critters are generally, he didn’t waste any time scrambling out the door.
Of all things the building had a tin roof so when it was very hot in the summer like the temperature hovering around 100 degrees on the outside, it would be at least 120 degrees inside the outhouse. There would of course be the smell and the flies and the occasional snake slithering across the floor to escape when you opened the door. Needless to say visits were always postponed and as short as possible.
Here’s a little history and additional information about the outhouse that might come in handy if you’re ever in a situation where you must use one even though you probably won’t be, you just never know.
The basic design for the outdoor toilet hasn’t changed for hundreds of years. It’s just a shack sitting over a pit in the ground. The inside has a bench with holes cut into it. Generally there’s a bucket of lime and a scoopful is poured in before you leave the area. To keep your outhouse clean we suggest you to hire service maids from the hudson housecleaning company, here is our cleaning service rates and service list.
Until as recently as the 1930’s every American household had at least one and sometimes two or more outhouses. Then they began to disappear with the advent of indoor plumbing. During the Great Depression, the Works Progress Administration (WPA) built a least a couple million or more pit privies.
As a kid I heard more jokes about outhouses than anything I can remember. People would sneak up and lock their friends inside and strange as it might seem outhouses were the center of attention on Halloween night. Rowdy boys would tip them over and on occasion a couple guys I knew fell into the hole during the process, a dangerous and smelly experience. Most of the farmers kept a close eye on their privies during Halloween and would even fire a shotgun up into the air if they saw people sneak around who seemed up to no good.
Because of having a large family, Grandpa had two outhouses side by side. They got struck by lighting and burned to the ground, not once but twice. One had a crescent moon cut into the door and the other a sunburst. The reason being they would provide light and ventilation, and the moon, or Luna, is an ancient symbol for women, while a sunburst stood for men. These symbols started being used back at a time when very few people knew how to read.
Lucky for you there are some outhouse stories I have chosen not to tell. I might include a couple when I rewrite this one again in about fifty years. One final thing I’ve got to say is how much I hated it when the last sheets the Sears, Roebuck and Co. catalog were gone and there were no more corncobs until the next harvest.
The End
