Every Saturday from Memorial Day to Labor Day, thousands flock to Missouri Rivers in a mid-western version of the “Gone Wild” series. In the Show-Me state, it’s “Floaters Gone Wild” – where elements of spring break and Mardi Gras coalesce into something that’s definitely not your family float trip.
Saturday floats are rated PG-13 to R depending on the group and whether it’s the beginning or end of a float. Alcohol and innuendo are key components of the Saturday phenomenon. Although no glass is allowed on the river, mixed drinks and shots with sexy names such as “French Kiss”, “Slippery Nipple”, “Sex on the Beach”, or “Screaming Orgasm” figure prominently.
These drinks combined with exercise, sunshine, and water create a “perfect storm” for the stressed-out, buttoned-down, nine-to-fiver to cut loose, and he/she does. Float trips are a great stress reliever. Some would even argue they’re more effective and cheaper than psychotherapy!
If you’re floating on a Saturday, be prepared for a dose of debauchery. Expect a chorus or two of a bawdy drinking song, occasional boob flashing, a little propositioning, and lots of laughter. If you’re a shy or modest person, you might want to consider floating on another day. Float trips are available every day of the week so you still have six more to choose from!
In recent years, Missouri Rivers have gone a little Creole with Mardi Gras beads becoming part of the Saturday experience, and yes, you get them the same way as in New Orleans.
Saturday floats have also put a new spin on prenuptial parties. Rather than a run-of-the-mill shower or a stag party which only leads to trouble, some soon-to-be brides and grooms prefer to paddle. Whether it’s done as a couple’s event or a guys only or gals only party doesn’t matter. In any incarnation, it’s still fun.
While canoes, rafts, kayaks, and inner tubes are the usual forms of water transportation, at least one weekend warrior got creative and did his five miles astride a life-size, blow-up doll. Not to be outdone by the guys, one woman retaliated with an inflatable replica of “that certain male member” as her means of transport. Both had fun, but agreed it was a lot more difficult to navigate when your raft has a “mind” of its own.
Every float trip has its own personality regardless of the day, but a Saturday float stands out as a giant party where everyone is your friend—several hundreds of them.
Is there a BETTER time of the year- month – to go floating?
well, I love to float and I love to drink beer the whole way and party,… but I don’t feel the need to ‘power drink’ the whole way and some of today’s youth take it to a level it should not be on while on a river with moving water and dangerous situations, bad weather and all that is there to cause problems even for a sober person,…
have fun, drink, party, dance, but take it easy on the beer bongs and jello shots and what ever else impairs you to the point of not being able to walk,… swim,… and save yourself from danger,…
and for the love of God,… keep your trash,…! and keep it contained so it doesn’t spill into the river when you dump,… (and you always dump,….)
1. Marci gras beads aren’t allowed just like glass or styrofoam.
2. Float trips are not “gone wild” trips. Most resorts have designated float trips available for families that don’t want to be around the larger crowd.
3. It is illegal to show your boobs, and water patrol will give you a ticket along with everything else they give tickets for.
Why do we have to put up with this? If you want to get drunk and act inappropriately, go to a bar. The KC Star’s INK-KC site is a good place to scout out places to act like an obnoxious attention whore.
Leave the rivers to those that enjoy them for more than an amusement park ride.
next thing thay will be telling u ladies what kind of boat yall can float in