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New Alcohol Law Targets Floaters

NOTE: The following article was an April Fools joke and is NOT real.

In a surprising announcement this morning, the Missouri Department of Rivers & Streams has announced a new initiative to keep mixed drinks off rivers throughout the state. The move, announced this morning at a press conference in Jefferson City, is aimed particularly at female floaters who consume most of the mixed drinks.

Senior Aide to the Department President Tom Collins announced the new initiative just before the summer floating season gets underway.

Girls with drinks on float trip

Sorry girls, not this year!

“We believe removing mixed drinks from the floating equation will help curb several things – rowdiness, flashing and other unacceptable behavior.  And on top of that, the annual cleanup savings should save the rivers from approximately 42 metric tons of ‘mixed drink trash’ each year.”

Beer is not banned in the new initiative. When asked about this new law being aimed particularly at females, Mr. Collins declined to comment.

Paul Martini, owner of Paul’s Canoes & Camp just outside of Van Buren Missouri, was not happy to hear the news this past weekend.  “We make a pretty good bit of money off of vodka and rum.  For it to be banned from the river really puts a damper on our visitors’ fun and will probably result in less floaters this year. With less women drunk, less men will show up.  It’s a vicious circle and the outfitters lose the most.”

The new law does not ban the sale of spirits, but rather says that no containers on the river may have any mixed drinks in them. Beer in cans will be the only drink allowed in coolers on Missouri’s rivers this year.

Brandy Alexander, waitress at Top Dog Pizza in Steeleville is very used to catering to large crowds of fun-seeking floaters.  “This year is going to be different. If you don’t like beer, you’re going to have to drink before you get on the water, or after the float at a place like this,” she says. “It’s going to be weird this summer, that’s for sure. I like Bud Light, so it doesn’t bother me as much, but I know my friends won’t be happy to hear this.”

There is a followup press conference scheduled for next Monday, April 8. We will report any changes and updates to the new law at that time.

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    298 Comments


    1. That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! Other peoples alcohol behavior is ruining it for the people who do not get out of hand and clean up after ourselves & OTHERS! When we are floating and there is some type of trash in the river we get it because we want a clean river! So I cant drink my mixed drinks because of other peoples stupidity.


    2. many people depend on tourism for their livelihood around the lakes rivers and streams in Missouri it disappoints me for government to keep getting involved to this extent.I do understand the dangers of binge drinkingand have seen accidents first handI’m the 1 organizing floats annually and have a problem with more regulationwhen floating down a stream with a pair of paddles in a canoe and not in a high speed boat. my best guess to this new law is that a lot more bottles of Gatorade will be sold this year.


    3. Good to hear. Less booze = fewer floaters = better fishing and less trash to pollute the rivers.


    4. DONT BRING YOUR CHILDREN ON A FLOAT TRIP THAT YOU KNOW WILL HAVE ALCOHOL, and or INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR from other adults. PERIOD! you wouldnt take your kid into a bar would you? so why take them on a float trip that you know is gonna have a lot of drunk adults. come on now. REDIC!


    5. This is ridiculous! They are now mandating what we can drink?! You can drink beer, but nothing else containing alcohol! People will end up traveling to other states, without these ridiculous laws, to float.


    6. Does it really take women getting drunk to get people to go floating? Is that what he said? Did he really suggest that in order to keep business, he has to get young women drunk on the river? Seriously?


    7. Will pre packaged mixed drinks be allowed, this is not very clear, will this be on all missouri waters or just certain areas, and what is the basis, on which we are making this decision. Who decides on this matter, I’m for clean waterways and responsible consumption of alcohol. Most female friends have float trips every summer in midwest, we are very considerate of other floaters and litter laws. We are not wild, unrespectful, hell raisers. Just because someone higher up is on a diet, does not mean the rest of us, don’t enjoy an occasional doughnut. Dena Gulliford, Springfield, Mo, Greene Co. , lifelong MO resident of Vernon CO, spent all of my life on little Osage, Big Osage, Sac, Marmaton, Drainage Ditch, Maires des Cygne. Please reconsider.


    8. One more law to slowly take our way of life away.
      Im very unhappy with the future quality of life, wonder what will be next? No pets, no campfires?


    9. So when did we change the drinking age? I guess we will see a lot more underage drinking since no other container but beer cans are allowed in coolers guess I should get my children used to drinking beer. Can’t bring them water, Gatorade or juice boxes.. I see lots of dehydrated ppl in our future.


    10. This is discrimination and I see a ton more beer cans floating than mixed drink debris? What are they talking about anyhow? I hate beer and it gives me a headache so can I have wine in my drink cup? What about lime-a-rita in a can? Wine coolers? What the heck this is ridiculous.


    11. I see way more dwi’s and accidents from this considering people willdo their ddrinking ahead of time. I hope they took that into consideration when making this foolish decision!


    12. People should be arrested for public intoxication when applicable and public nudity for flashing. Then it would be more appropriate for all involved.


    13. Just another way for the State to give up badly needed sales tax money. If they were truly worried about the river they would be banning beer as well but they know that wouldn’t go over. Next chocolate chip cookies will be banned until everyone likes the wafers because the fish prefer them. Money needs to be spent apprehending people that litter on river ways and not enforcing dumb bans that do little but serve someones personal agenda because they don’t like to see boobs. I have went to rivers last 10 years and yet to see a naked tit on the river. I am missing out.


    14. Krystal, for as stupid as this law is, your comment is even dumber. Don’t bring our kids on a float trip? Last time I checked, the rivers and streams were public places for EVERYONE to enjoy. No, I wouldn’t bring my kids to a bar. Not only is that a place FOR drinking, but bars don’t even allow people who are under 21 in after a certain time.

      The rivers and streams, however, are a PUBLIC place that is NOT intended for people to get drunk and girls to show their tits. Although that’s fun and exciting, it’s not the purpose and shouldn’t be expected.

      Yes, this law is dumb. But let’s use logical arguments to get that point across. You sound foolish.


    15. I feel this is bullshit! Flashing, drinking, partying, etc. have been what’s made floating so attractive to the more adult crowd. You already commercialize the rivers and scenery. Why not do like they do on golf courses and have some people ride around in drink boats? Shoot, you’ll make a killing! Sucks that this is a blanket law that will affect everyone and tarnish a great time. Will this new law be in effect on boaters as well? Or just us weekenders out to have a good time?


    16. It is a joke people, look at the names on the article, Tom Collins? Martini? Brandy? Has to be an April Fools joke but it was a very good one!


    17. I’m so pissed, I mean come on seriously !!! I don’t drink beer and I will drink a few mixed drinks on the river!! So what!! This just can’t be right, who is this guy who decides this?l towns on the river depend on the revenue from summer float trips, how are they going to survive?


    18. Yeah. Lets increase the amount of aluminum cans thrown into the river. This wont stop me from filling my personal container with a fun drink.


    19. Absoluteky discriminating!!! I DO NOT like beer of any kind. But I do like my mixed drinks on a float trip. I mix in my own plastic container that is not even disposable!!!! We NEVER throw ANY trash in the river, in fact we pick up any we see. Does this mean we can’t have water bottles, soda, gstoradesnd food in our cooler?!! The law states the only thing allowed in coolers on the river will be and I quote ” beer in cams””. Are you freaking serious??? Never ever once flashed anyone on the river, and if I were going to, I wouldn’t need to be drunk to do it! You better make done changes to this new law, or there will be some discrimination lawsuits filed for sure! TOM COLLINS of all people, are you all sure this isn’t the biggest April fools joke we have ever heard!


    20. i cant belive this crap i own over a 1/2 mile of river front i camden co. i see floaters all the time and belive me i rarely ever see trash from mixed drinks in fact ill see more empty bait cartons and lost flip flops & WATER BOTTELS than anything else this is just another REVENUE generator for the state of MO. its time we take our goverment back from the PINHEAD liberals you make up this NONSENSE!


    21. What if u don’t like beer?? Not all females like beer. And u wanna blame this on just females! There are some men out there that get just as belligerent and inappropriate behavior s just like females!! If the water patrol would do there job then inappropriate behaviors, flashing, fighting, littering and whatever else u wanna blame it on wouldn’t be happening now would it??? This is the most stupidest thing I have herd of… what next year will be no beer!!!


    22. I think that this is ridiculous!! Alcohol is Alcohol no matter how you look at it. Yes I understand that you can get drunk faster from mixing Vodka with Cranberry juice than you do with a beer. But what about those of us who drink pre mixed bottled drinks? Ever look at the label of one of those?! those have LESS alcohol than beer. This in my option is directed to woman and is discrimination, you can tell that by his words of “Flashing” mean cant flash they don’t wear tops to begin with. Good luck getting this passed and if it does I can assure you, you’re not hurting the floaters but the business’.


    23. by the way the state of MO. where i have lived all my 55 years DOSENT give SQWAT about public safety they just want more of your hard earned bucks and they will do anything they want to get it I hope ppl. will stand up aginst this STUPID law. If I didnt live at the lake of the ozarks belive me I wouldnt come here to play ! COME ON VACATION > LEAVE ON PROBATION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    24. Why is it that so many people say that we shouldn’t bring our children on rivers? I grew up on the river and when I was young there was still drinking but people were responsible. I’m only 30, so it’s not like it was forever ago. Now I have to be so selective where I bring my children because everyone is out of control! Why is it that you can’t drink without becoming vulgar sex fiends??? Have some self respect and discretion! The laws are going to keep coming if things don’t change. You can still get drunk but have some control and pick up your trash! We have plenty of fun on the rivers drinking and floating, but it can be family friendly also.


    25. This makes no sense. People can get just as drunk off beer as they can liquor. The only thing that really changes is the time it takes to get drunk. I know plenty of beer drinkers that get just as ridiculous if not more than the mixed drink drinkers. And really? Did they really pay someone to count up how many pounds of just “mixed drink trash” there is?


    26. There are a lot of beer drinks these days that don’t taste like beer! Being drunk on the river is dangerous anyhow. I don’t see this stoping ppl from floating. I use to be a drinker on the river, but now I have kids to come home to. I can say I have a lot more fun not drinking. It’s very relaxing!


    27. Also, does anyone know if this applies to all rivers or will certain ones be excluded? For example you can’t bring jello shots on the Meramec but you can on the Black River…


    28. While i understand the premise behind this, the explanation is just plain absurd. we float 1-2 times a year and have been doing so for the last 15 years. the majority of trash is from beer…. they claim jello shots are a hazard, yet i rarely see them floating around and the ones we do see we (and almost all others on the river) pick up and place in the trash bags.

      “Mixed drinks” are mostly in cooler jugs, large containers, etc… that folks pre make and bring with them. very few people buy ready made cocktails. the trash thing makes no sense.

      “rowdiness” is not a problem on the river. its at the campsites that the problems, if any, arise. you cant stop the cliff jumping or dumb sh!t people do. dumb people are going to do dumb things….on the river or in society. stop trying to control every aspect of it.

      again, just another liberty that is being taken away because of misconception, false notions and a few squeaky wheels.


    29. What gives? Every year they keep taking away more alcohol related privileges. Why? People want to get drunk and float. Most women I know despise beer, so now they can’t participate in the festivities? Where was the vote on this?


    30. So instead of enforcing existing laws (litter, pollution, indecent exposure, etc.), let’s make a new, even more difficult to enforce law. Pure Political Genius! They even admit the law is sexist. Go figure. I won’t be changing my water activities, and I’ll still follow my own moral rules, which includes leaving the waterway cleaner than I found it.


    31. Oh my word I can’t believe I fell for this….Nice April Fools guys Well played.


    32. There’s always someone that ruins it for others…ones that shouldn’t be drinking to begin with….and yes…children like to go on float trips also..its not just an adult past time….if canned beer isn’t enough for you than stay home…can anyone do anything without drinking anymore ????? Good grief if you can’t have fun without alcohol…you have a problem. It should be banned all together … !!!!


    33. I have a question primarily based toward the President, Tom Collins. Sir, are you just angered at the fact that you chose to get married, therefore targeting and diminishing any source of excitement and fun for younger males? I believe that marriage and caging yourself like a puppy was your mistake; young adults possessing colossal amounts of testosterone that constantly flows through their bodies should not pay the price for your mistake! We just want to have fun, Bro-Sir!


    34. HMMMMMMMMMM TOM COLLINS ??


    35. For real? I see many dead young floaters in the near future. Drink before u go is something someone should never hear, but it will happen. Maybe there should be a limit of mixed drinks on each boat rather than take it away. This is crazy. Did anyone ever thinkthat women once they are drunk they drink beer? Lets get intoxicated before we go because we can drin beer on the float. SMART DECISION WATER PATROL. Not good. People shouldn’t get intoxicated on the waters anyways, but it will happen no matter what.


    36. Leave it to people in Missouri to not get this.


    37. “Beer in cans will be the only drink allowed in coolers on Missouri’s rivers this year.” Please clarify. Beer in cans, not soda? I don’t agree with the law, nor do I think it will stop anyone from doing what they want to do (speed limits and DUI’s), but at least clarify the article and don’t make it seem like no drink is allowed unless it’s beer.


    38. This is just another bs law being passed and put in affect without any public hearing. The nanny state has come to MO. I will bring my drinks to the river which is owned by no one. Everyone should stand up against the intolerable and unnecessary laws.

      Everyone bring your drinks…. I’d like to see Mr. Ranger try to fine arrest everyone.

      p.s. Carla if you don’t like what you see on the River don’t go. You wouldn’t take your kids to Mardi Gras. I take that back you are probably the one that goes and complains about it.


    39. Liquor on the water is a sin! It’s an abomination against all the beautiful natural resources that we have been blessed with in Missouri. I for one totally support the ban on hard liquor on our lakes and rivers. Last thing that we need are drunken idiots and nubile young harlots flashing their gams and titties at responsible boat owners. Yes, Jesus turned the water into wine. But you didn’t see him doing it on a boat! It’s just wrong! As for all the sin-filled ‘floater’ types, with your gatorades and your lime-a-ritas, you’ll have plenty of time to drink your booze when you’re floating down that river of fire in Hell!


    40. Nanny-state busy-bodies. Why don’t you statists grow up? You want a clean, sanitized society? Turn to the state for all your remedies.
      Wear your flotation devices, wear your bibs, change your diapers, and most of all, make sure you OBEY.
      I’ll be bringing my mixed drinks again this year and good luck looking inside any of my containers. You better walk on water.


    41. Girls will still flash while intoxicated on beer. Be smarter than this please.


    42. Many people like me work hard thru the summer to have that one or two float trips to where we can get tipsy and have fun this is stupid but will result in more money to the state in tickets issued thats there motive ….. If ur drunk and causing issues u get arrested anywhere the bar home store wherever if u liter u get a ticket so why should this change just do ur job water patrol and catch the people ruining it for us dont change the law to make urs easier p.s have fun catching me my spirits are clear and easy to hide because i dont cause attention


    43. WTF! Why don’t you ban motor vehicles too, or better yet let’s just ban the red and yellow ones? I bet this will cut down on speeding tickets and inappropriate driving behaviors! Free country? At what point does this kind on non since stop???


    44. Look Like I’m not going to river this year. I Usually go five or six times a year and Spend a couple hundred dollars each time. Look like the campground aren’t get my business this year. I can Stan beer. Might As well drink piss that what beer Taste like. This is the most Horse shit law I’ve ever heard. Looks like campground around State are going to lose hundreds of dollars in revenue.


    45. So mixed drinks are banned, beer bongs, jello shots and dogs on some rivers. Oh lets not forget about the so called officers that hide in the woods and watch us. We are adults who make these choices. We sign waivers for a reason people. Why dont you quit mandating our adult lives and worry about your own. Each river was here way before us, lets not create rules for what was already existing. GEEZ!!!


    46. This is horrible! Mixed drinks cause LESS trash! I couldn’t tell you how many beer cans that my group picks up after ppl toss them on the banks.


    47. I dont think, they have the right to decide what myself or anyone else wants to drink on the river or at any time .


    48. Even after Kim’s reveal, the diatribes continue! I love it! As Stacey said, “Well-played.”
      Besides the date, “Missourians restrict alcohol” is by itself a give-away.
      Drink away – I’ll float on week-days. Fewer cans and bodies to pick out of the river. :)


    49. With all of the mixed drinks that are available in a can I think the beer only idea is a little over the top. The liquor companies are sure to get involved.


    50. I have a trip coming up in June is this for the entire state of Mo? What are the consequences if caught with mixed drinks on the river.


    51. who is the dumbass that come up with this idea? This will hurt local economies.


    52. It wont be as much fun, if the girls cant have their choice of beverages, floating down the river. As for me I dont care because its the only weekend I do drink beer. At home I drink the hard stuff. But really people, what day is this, im just playing along. There will be plenty of liquor on the river this summer.
      Shiv :

      dennis :
      its time we take our goverment back from the PINHEAD liberals you make up this NONSENSE!

      You’re the pinhead, ace.
      Google “Tom Collins”, “Brandy Alexander”, “Martini”, and “April Fools Day” before you pop a blood vessel.


    53. krystal :
      DONT BRING YOUR CHILDREN ON A FLOAT TRIP THAT YOU KNOW WILL HAVE ALCOHOL, and or INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR from other adults. PERIOD! you wouldnt take your kid into a bar would you? so why take them on a float trip that you know is gonna have a lot of drunk adults. come on now. REDIC!

      So if there are drunk adults on the river every weekend, when are families supposed to go? I don’t support laws that target one specific group over another, but you’ve got to admit its a bit ridiculous when even families who live on the water can’t let their kids go down and play.


    54. The government takes more and more freedoms away. I wouldn’t be surprised to see floating banned altogether in my lifetime. Shame on the elected officials who pass these garbage laws.


    55. This is complete and utter BS!!! There are alot of responsible adults that go on float trips and drink mixed beverages that do not flash, throw trash in the rivers, or get aggressive!!! I am feeling a little discrimination here since this is said to specifically target female floaters!!! I also have two children that have not yet been on a float trip, they will however go on one soon enough, but as a responsible parent I will be taking them through the week when the amount of alcohol is minimal, and then take myself on one when it is not!! I am disgusted by Missouri law makers that this is even taking place!!!


    56. I just know Obama and those freedom-hating liberals are behind this. Those numb skulls are ruining our way of life and it’s time to stop it! I’ll be damned if me and my wife can’t drink our Aristocrat and orange soda while backstroking down a beautiful winding Missouri river.

      WAKE UP AMERICA. COMMUNISM IS HERE!


    57. I think this new “law” is rediculous!!! I go to Huzzah or down to Jeff’s Canoe Rental a couple of times a summer. Mixed drinks are not the problem. I find that the floaters drinking mixed drinks are the ones who are there to enjoy, relax, and soak up the beautiful scenery. If anything is the problem with out of control people or “girls” as this law seems to target is the beer bonging people. Last summer as I floated down the Huzzah with more people and rafts than I have ever saw in my life. I clearly see the “crazy girls” holding beer and bonging!!! In fact the couples on the river who were fighting all had beer! Talk about clean up beer has much more trash people who have a little mixed drink like a Sex on the Beach would have it premixed in one container and have like a sports bottle vs beer cans everywhere. Obviously the people coming up with this law has never experienced river floating vacations. If anything just eliminate plastic solo-like cups. The names used in this article do seem to funnily match this article nicely? SOOO I am praying this is an April Fools joke, but if not- Kick this law out!!!!!!


    58. This is probably one of the silliest things I have ever heard. Most of the time when you are drinking mixed drinks, you are pouring out of a pitcher or something you will take back home with you and any time that we do mixed drinks we have a reusable cup with a lid. The way that article sounds you can’t have soda or water or anything!! Only beer!! Good luck with enforcing that!!


    59. AND WHY IS FLASHING A PROBLEM…BOOBIES RULE.

      AS ALWAYS PEOPLE WILL FIND A WAY AROUND IT…POUR YOUR DRINK INTO AN EMPTY BEER CAN…AND IF A COP SHOWS UP POUR IT INTO THE WATER AND SAY IT WAS BEER…

      THE PERSON THAT MADE THIS RULE PROBABLY DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THAT THE RIVER IS NOT JUST FOR LOCALS, IT IS FOR EVERYONE INCLUDING THOSE WHO LIKE TO DRINK MORE THAN FISH…

      AND MOST OF THE GUYS THAT FISH LIKE BOOBIES TOO.

      IF POLUTION IS THE COST OF BOOBIES, THEN HIRE SOMEONE TO CLEAN THAT SHIT UP BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE MY BALLS HURT.


    60. “River dorks”, and “April fools” of Missouri unite!
      You are guranteed the right in the Constitution to consume large quantities of alcohol, trash National Scenic Riverways, act like a drunken, obscene, obnoxious buffoon, play your boom box on volume 11 any time & any place you choose, and expose your body any time & any place you choose.
      Contact you congressman, and protest. Do not let “those people” discriminate against you.
      Next thing you know; they’ll be making you register your Mardi Gras beads, and beer bongs.


    61. Honestly this is rediculous. People will find ways around it. With that being said the guys are just as rowdy after too many beers. Whats next no drinks on the river? They’d be better of just being more strict on conduct and littering procedures. People who disobey the rules already in place won’t make changes for this one either, so why punish everyone?


    62. it’s good – amateur’s don’t know how to handle their alcohol and become idiots – and trash our streams. don’t worry, people will still drink plenty of beer and still flash their boobs at children and get sunburnt.


    63. It’s not the alcohol in the girl that makes her flash, it’s the slut in the girl. ;)
      This article is a joke right?
      You can have fun on a float without being stupified drunk and hanging your goodies out for everyone to see. If you feel the need to take your clothes off in front of people, have the cajones to do it sober. In fact, you could even get paid for it…..it’s called working in a strip club.
      I don’t think that people should be told what they can and cannot drink on the river, but I do think that there needs to be better enforcement of decency laws so that families CAN enjoy a float trip without seeing/hearing a bunch of drunk half-naked people who need to keep their orgies behind locked doors.


    64. Al Cohaul :
      I just know Obama and those freedom-hating liberals are behind this. Those numb skulls are ruining our way of life and it’s time to stop it! I’ll be damned if me and my wife can’t drink our Aristocrat and orange soda while backstroking down a beautiful winding Missouri river.
      WAKE UP AMERICA. COMMUNISM IS HERE!

      LOL Obama and us liberals are behind this? Keeps my faith in liberals AL, seeing how you are obviously a dumb “Conservative” and believe everything you read , lawd have mercy!…. Best” Foolish” article ever..this should go down in the book!


    65. How about keeping the stuff in 2 containers with a double straw. One goes into each.


    66. If the people drinking and floating actually gave a crap about the environment and quit trashing the river this wouldn’t be an issue. They need to look in the mirror if they want someone to blame not “over reaching government” who is just trying to protect an invaluable natural resource. Quit whining about your ruined float trips, there are still plenty of locations in Missourito act like a drunkin fool on and near the water.


    67. So mixed drinks aren’t allowed….can you bring just a bottle of hard alcohol on the river? I don’t see any laws stopping that from happening (as long as it’s not a glass bottle).

      A mixed drink is a mixture of two drinks, a bottle of whiskey or vodka is not a mixed drink. So really all the lovely government has stopped is mixing drinks.

      And can someone please explain to me how banning mixed drinks stops “rowdiness, flashing and other unacceptable behavior”?


    68. I have never seen anyone bring a bottle of alcohol first of all. They mix it and put it in a container or put it in a cup. So, if its the trash you are worried about then eliminate the plastic cups not what goes in them! Secondly, their are just as many idiots that are drinking beer! What about the beer can trash? I think if there is something that they should be worried about that has anything to do with alcohol is the UNDER AGE drinking. Next thing you know we won’t be able to bring FOOD because of people throwing the trash in the water.


    69. Easier to fool a person, than to convince them they have been fooled.


    70. We should all call Captain Morgan and register a complaint… His deputies Jack, Jim, Johnny, and Evan have been out chasing a Wild Turkey and a Grey Goose all morning… so I’m sure they would be more than happy to take a break from that and make sure no one is exposing their Slippery Nipple, Fuzzy Navel or having Sex on the Beach…. Happy 1st day of April!


    71. So the goverment is telling us what we can and can’t drink now..


    72. This is a joke, obviously and a good one at that! Look at the names in the article: Tom Collins, Brandy Alexander, Paul Martini.
      Kudos to whoever wrote this for stirring up such a fuss! LMAO


    73. I called a resort and asked about this, they said…it’s April fools day, someone got everyone good! So everyone can calm down, this isn’t true.


    74. It’s an april fools joke…


    75. Absolutely the most ridiculous and breakable law ever. now we will just be hiding it in bags with sunscreen and towels. I’m drinking my whiskey dammit, and I DARE you, no double DOG DARE you, to try and take it away from me before I spend the whole day on the river. I don’t need mixers. Just whiskey. :) I will put it in a metal flask for you at least though. I’m thoughtful like that. See ya on the river, you overbearing and foolish foolish law makers.. and I’ll have the Jack if you get thirsty from chasing down “criminals” with mixed drinks on their day off at the river.


    76. Well played. Hilarious to see everyone get riled up! April Fools!


    77. THIS IS AN APRIL FOOLS DAY JOKE. GET OVER IT.


    78. April Fool’s!


    79. Folks, dont get your panties in an uproar. Its an April Fools prank. The only people the quoted are Tom Collins, Brandy Alexander and Paul Martini, all drink names. calm down and keep drinking.


    80. must be april fools joke. surely mo. would not actually do this and definitly not zero in on what is being consumed. how much should be monitored by arresting drunkards . why must ppl drink on float trips anyway it is the worst time. alcahol just dehydrates u and who needs help doing that in the summer in missouri1


    81. This article really made me reflect on my actions on the river. Now that I think about it, when I consume mixed drinks on the river, I am much more prone to showing my boobs to anyone with a pair of beads around their neck, especially gold ones (Go Mizzou!) or the green ones with green pot plants on them. After I mix my rum, orange juice, and sprite (my creation!) I don’t have room for the empty containers in the cooler so my girlfriends and I take turn throwing them at cute boys to get their attention and the bottles usually end up in the water. After we float with these boys, we get rowdy and yell in high octives and run into other floaters. I really think that switching to beer will eliminate all of these behaviorsme and my girlfriends do. Thanks for having my interest and safety in mind, Missouri . You’re the best state in ‘Murica!


    82. April Fools?

      Lets hope…


    83. Did any of you look at the date on the calendar? Or look at the names of the “officials” quoted in the article?

      This is obviously an April Fools joke. Everyone make yourselves a mixed drink and calm down.


    84. This is an April Fools joke. Look at the peoples names….Tom Collins


    85. It’s April First FOOLS! Tom Collins???

      Hahahahahahahahaha


    86. this is total discrimination against women! I think if this is allowed all the female floaters should do a class action lawsuit against the state of Missouri. I don’t even have a cup when I go on float trips i fill a gallon tupperware container with my mixed drink . Hell and when I wanna just mellow out it’s just wine in the container so your telling me that I cant have this on the float trip.


    87. This is an April Fools joke!!! “Tom Collins, Brandy Alexander, Paul Martini”?!?!?! Come on folks!!!


    88. April Fools? “Tom Collins”, “Brandy” Alexander, and Phil “Martini” all in an article about a mixed drink ban… on April 1st. Seriously guys.


    89. Um, is this real cause all those names are drink names Tom Collins, Paul Martini, Brandy Alexander LOL


    90. Moving away from St. Louis, the website FloatMissouri.com posted a satirical story today reporting that “the Missouri Department of Rivers & Streams has announced a new initiative to keep mixed drinks off rivers throughout the state.”

      Such a department does not exist, and all the individuals quoted happen to have names that will bring certain adult beverages to mind. Nevertheless, the number of comments angrily objecting to the decision far exceeds the number pointing out today’s date

      http://www.news-leader.com/interactive/article/20130401/NEWS01/304010105/April-Fool-s-Day-Missouri-style


    91. It is an April Fool’s joke!! Wake up people…..lol Sheesh!!


    92. Lol!! Thanks for the laughs! Article was written well enough to make you think for a minute. Tom Collins, Paul Martini & Brandy – Only giveaways! Great job on the April Fools joke. :)


    93. I am allergic to gluten and have several food intolerances. This change in law is specifically disappointing for me, as I don’t have any alternatives. Frankly, I believe it is discrimination. Are they going to outlaw water when they realize the bottles may be filled with liquor instead?


    94. Is this an April Fools Joke? Looks like it!


    95. okay so if they ban mixed drinks for floaters how about banning politicians from serving in office if they have a DUI


    96. Excellent April Fools joke. Well done. The reactionary comments from people missing the joke is the best part.


    97. Ok, folks… LOOK AT THE NAMES of the people in the article:

      Tom Collins
      Paul Martini
      Brandy Alexander

      See any kind of pattern here on good ole April 1st?


    98. How about April Fools?!


    99. Does this include people on the banks of the river as well as people in the water? And if it does, will it apply on the banks of the river at a privately owned campground?


    100. Lol I can’t believe so many people are falling for this. Its APRIL FOOLS DAY!


    101. Come on people take a joke!!!! It is April Fool’s Day you know. Look at all the names in the article and how they say some things within it.


    102. I think you’ve all been had. Try “Googleing” , Missouri Department of Rivers and Streams. Or, try the same with the Dept. Head, “Tom Collins”. Might just be and April Fools Joke, just saying.


    103. Michael, we did hear that the ban may include a 100 foot ‘zone’ from each riverbank edge as well. Stay tuned as we find out more.


    104. Great april fools joke. tom collins eh. Hahaha


    105. It’s an Aprils Fools joke…look at the names of the people being interviewed… chill peeps! I fell for it too!


    106. WOW ALL OF YOU WHO ARE WHINING AND COMPLAINING SHOULD FEEL PRETTY STUPID… but it is a good april fools day article


    107. HEY YOU GOOFS LOOK AT THE NAME OF THE PEOPLE NAMED IN THE ARTICLE THEY MIXED DRINKS……….CAN YOU SAY APRILS FOOL JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    108. Wow! Bet you didn’t realize the depth of stupidity this april fools joke would expose. The “show me state” is showing their foolish a** for sure with these responses. This is definitely one of the best interweb articles that I have seen in years!! Kudos :)


    109. april fools


    110. Ummm…everyone is getting SO fired up about an OBVIOUS APRIL FOOL’S JOKE!! Stay calm and float on, party people!


    111. Well they’ve done a fine job of killing boating revenue on the Lake of the Ozarks by harassing everyone, now it’s time to cut tourism on the rivers. Way to go Missouri.


    112. Dude – its a JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha


    113. As a co-worker pointed out “April Fool’s. Love the names… Tom Collins, Paul Martini, Brandy…”.

      Thanks Brad


    114. so only about 6-7 people actually seemed to realize that brandy alexander, martini, and tom collins are mixed drinks and caught on that this is april fools out of 57… the other 50 of you.. BAHAHA.

      (PS, environmentalists probably would do something like this if they got the chance)


    115. hahahahaha April Fools!


    116. Sounds like a good April Fools joke!!;) who’s BRANDY Alexander and Paul MARTINI?;) good joke whoever thought of it!!!;)


    117. Tom Collins makes the announcement, Paul Martini and Brandy Alexander are interviewed. That sounds a little fishy to me. Paul’s Canoes and Camp in Van Buren Missouri doesn’t show up on Google and there is no Missouri Deparemnt of River’s and Streams. Get a hold of yourself everyone it’s April 1st


    118. Nice Try!!! APRIL FOOLS Idiots!!!!


    119. Reread this thing. Its April 1st. The only people quoted were Tom Collins, Paul Martini, and Brandy Alexander. You have been had.


    120. Wowee, ya’ll know how to fire up some folks today ;) hahahaa…good one ;)


    121. You should have had “Paul Martini” be from Bourbon Missouri! Nice article and you clearly “fooled” quite a fe people today!!!!


    122. Is this an april fools thing?…


    123. That is a GREAT April Fools Joke!! I bit hard on it until I noticed the names…Tom Collins, Paul Martini, Brandy Alexander (all mixed drinks) and I’m pretty sure there isn’t a Dept of Rivers and Streams….

      Good one though!!


    124. Paul Martini, Brandy Alexander, Tom Collins I love how these names are mixed drinks


    125. I am the mighty river king, thou who shall touch my maximus gluteus shall be permitted to drinketh of my river wine. Lol


    126. I’ve gotten pretty f*ed up on beer before. I don’t see how allowing one drink over another is going to do anything but piss some people off.


    127. Anyone figure out that this is an Aprils Fools joke yet?? LOL


    128. Dude this is a April Foola joke….Tom Collins, Paul Martini, Brandy Alexander???? Come people smarten up!


    129. Just another way of ticketing people for revenue, Its not OK to have a mixed drink but we can drink as much beer as we want! Plain and simple this is a way to make money off of citing people for money!


    130. Wow, a lot of April Fools commenting on this article.


    131. Happy April Fool’s Day! Well played Float Missouri, well played indeed! :)


    132. thinks that this is Bull Shit!


    133. That “article” was so funny….Problem is there aren’t too many individuals that really read it or the names….great April Fools joke and it sure showed a lot of FOOLS…..lol


    134. OMG people, get a grip – look at the names – TOM COLLINS, PAUL MARTINI and BRANDY ALEXANDER – all names of drinks – and there is no restaurant called Top Dog Pizza in Steelville, don’t know about the canoe place by Van Buren Think of what day it is – THIS IS AN APRIL FOOL’S JOKE – what a bunch of suckers


    135. Good job, Missourians! Arguing about an April Fool’s prank article.


    136. Helloooooooo!!!! It’s an April Fool’s Joke… Tom Collins…Brandy Alexander… Plus, no such department at “Rivers and Streams.” Boy, you all sure checked your facts before going off the deep end, huh? :-) Stupid people…


    137. PEOPLE… today is APRIL FOOL’S DAY! Look at the names.. President Tom Collins? Paul Martini? Brandy Alexander?


    138. thinks this is BS ! Guess I will be going to Tahlequah from now on ! Way to go Missouri !


    139. April Fool’s?? There is no Missouri Department of Rivers & Streams……”Aid to the President – tom collins??”

      come on people


    140. Oh, and also, there is no such thing as the Missouri Department of Rivers & Streams – the Department of Conservation handles the rivers etc.


    141. I can’t wait to hide the liquor bottles up my ass to avoid getting a ticket.


    142. Paul Martini
      Brandy Alexander……

      I think someone gotcha!!


    143. Are you kidding me, there is a Dept. of Rivers and Streams on top of a Dept. of Conservation and they intend to make another law that keeps us from using and enjoying public property we pay taxes on. Of all the things that need fixed in this state, what types of drinks people drink is not one of them. If we don’t start speaking up it will be against the law to sit at the water with our feet in to cool off. Broken glass is ok, but don’t show off what God gave ya.


    144. Tom Collins, Paul Martini, and Brandy Alexander. Put your thinking caps on people and look at the calendar!


    145. Look at the names of the people referenced – Brandy Alexander, Tom Collins, Peter Martini sound famaliar??? Department of Rivers and Streams – Really????? Is there an IQ above 70 in the entire response blog. This guy has you all on the hook and is reeling you in. Good Prank!!!!


    146. I’m amazed how many people are taking this seriously. Check your calendar and then read it again… also, even if it is an actual law (it’s not)… it’s completely unenforcible… so just break it (like you do with speeding every single day).


    147. Hey y’all. This here article is an April Fools JOKE!!!! Got ya!!!


    148. Seems like a lot of people forgot that it was April fools day. They got nearly all of ya. Very well played!


    149. April Fools much people?!? Lol Tom Collins is a drink. So is a Martini and Brandy!


    150. Ummmm……folks, anybody remember what day it is today?

      I can’t believe 95% of commenters fell for this.


    151. You all have been fooled! Look at the names of the people “quoted…” Tom Collins, Brandy Alexander, Paul Martini? You guys are so gullible…


    152. April Fools, you fools! It is obviously fake, look at the names in the article. All alcoholic beverage names. I love Tom Collins, martinis, and brandy!


    153. I call B.S. Cant seem to find the Mo dept of Rivers and Streams. Its called the MO Department of Conservation.


    154. HAHA oh my God people. Calm down it’s a joke. How can you not recognize the names?? Lol, what a great April Fools joke, they really got people upset.


    155. Tom Collins, Paul Martini and Brandy Alexander… I do believe today is the first of April.


    156. This is obviously an April fools prank.


    157. Is this a real story…with Tom Colllins and paul martini! Tom Collins is a mixed drink and a martini is a drink!


    158. This is hilarious.


    159. With the names “Tom Collins” and “Paul Martini” I think it is safe to say APRIL FOOLS!


    160. Some people have to much time and money on their hands.


    161. Paul Martini’s comment: “With less women drunk, less men will show up. It’s a vicious circle and the outfitters lose the most.”

      Translation: Unless you women get drunk and attract the guys my business suffers.

      Paul, here is a wake up call… The “vicious circle” starts with idiots like you.

      ‘merica!


    162. Tom Collins, Paul Martinit and Brandy Alexander….c’mon. This can’t be real.


    163. Happy April Fools you Idiots!

      ‘murica!


    164. Pretty sure that this is a april fools joke. For one google missouri department of rivers and streams and only thing that is pulled up is mo department of conservation and also google the banning law and nothing comes up. I think someone has had a pretty good april fools on everyone. They even got me because I was pissed when I read it. Im not a beer drinker at all.


    165. it’s an APRIL FOOL’S JOKE PEOPLE…TOM COLLINS, BRANDY ALEXANDER, PAUL MARTINI…


    166. Haha people are blaming Obama for this. THIS IS AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE! All of the names in the article are alcohol related. BRANDY, MARTINI, TOM COLLINS! Not to mention there is no such thing as the Missouri dept of rivers and streams! You may feel stupid now.


    167. All you angry posters, you do realize what day it is right?

      So quick to jump on the wagon…


    168. Believe it or not, this is happening in Texas as well. It’s happening in New Braunfels, the best river to float in the world! Who’s pushing the policies? Transplant Californians. Terrible. We’ve moved our floats to outside of the city limits, but it’s only a matter of time before they reach us.


    169. with names like Paul Martini and Tom Collins….April Fools!!!!!


    170. Yet another waste of our tax money. I dont remember being able to vote on this. We need to take our country back. How about focusing on our rihgts as human beings and the fact that our economy is at the bottom of a jonny on the spot.


    171. PAY ATTENTION!!!! This is April Fools Day!!! There is no such person as Senior Aide to the Department President Tom Collins. Tom Collins, Brandy Alexander and Martini are all types of mixed drinks. I commend who ever had written this for your creativity but you are getting some people fired up.


    172. Sounds to me like they need to enforce the laws they do have such as no nudity or public intoxication instead of adding more laws. If they would just enforce the current laws and arrest or fine those performing the acts that are illegal, they could stop punishing those who are being completely legal and abiding the laws.


    173. pretty sure this is an april fools joke! lol. tom collins, paul martini, and brandy alexander are all names to mixed drinks……. just saying. :-) happy floatings this summer!


    174. April fools anyone?


    175. Margarita says Bullshit! April Fools fools! Tom Collins? Really?


    176. Im thinking its an april fools joke.. Have you seen the names used and all the typos?


    177. So…… The guys name is Tom Collins? Paul Martini? Brandy Alexender? This got to be an April Fool’s Joke….


    178. April Fools!


    179. Paul “martini” “brandy” stevens…lmao. Its an april fools joke!


    180. Haha. Good one. Tom Collins, Brandi Alexander, and Paul Martini do sound like good authorities on the subject tho LOL


    181. Great April Fool’s day joke, Note the fictious names and Missouri Department of Rivers and Streams.

      Best One I’ve seen toda.


    182. Sexist much? how about we spend our tax dollars fixing real problems? i think this guy needs a reality check. they are trying to keep everyone off the rivers. so i guees drunken. joe with the bottle of whiskey will be so well-behaved and not start any fights bc no girls will be drinking pina coladas and flashing her cha chas. idiots


    183. Look at the names of the people: Tom Collins (drink), brandy Alexander (drink), and Paul martini (drink) this is an April fools joke people!


    184. Man, I can’t believe they misquoted me.

      And folks, reading is in fact, fundemental.


    185. Hahahaha! Brandy ,Tom Collins, Martini.


    186. It’s an April Fools Day joke.. why are people still commenting like it’s real? Idiots!!!!


    187. I cant believe everyone is buying all this….its APRIL FOOLS DAY!


    188. Haha. I love these outraged peoples comments. Cracks me up.” It was dim democrats!” Remember todays date when your chugging all the fruity drinks you can while bitching about this law this summer before you float. lol.


    189. This is WRONG!!! My husband & I are members of the Ozark Mountain Paddlers & we kayak all season long & we pick up more beer can trash than any other trash on any river we float in MO & AR!! And as much as we get aggravated at times with people who get too drunk on the rivers, this law discriminates against women!! Most women do NOT drink beer!! I drink the Margherita drinks in a can, same alcohol content as beer. Go ahead…give me a ticket…I’ll see you in court for discrimination!!! I have had enough of discrimination against women!!!


    190. Hardy Har Har

      April Fools!


    191. Everybody, calm down! It is a joke! Look at the names: Tom Collins, Paul Martini, Brandy Alexander? Those are all drinks. Besides the fact that this was published on April 1st, do you think that any state department would ever put in writing that it was proposing a bill designed specifically on gender discrimination? I mean, even if their intention was to have less drunk females, therefore attracting less drunk males, you think they would publish that. It’s funny how everyone gets so caught up in the fact that some of their ability to drink alcohol could possibly be taken away that they don’t use any common sense and resort to spazing out on the comment section of a float supplies website…


    192. Put you mixed drinks in screw top beer cans


    193. What a joke! So men don’t drink rum or vodka?? I’m sending this one to Jay Leno:) how about fining those who litter??


    194. April fools! Look at the names. They are drink names. So don’t get your panties in a bunch


    195. Everyone on here……today is April 1st aka April Fools Day….are yiu sure this isn’t a joke???? Look at the people’s names in the article? “Tom Collins” “Paul Martini” “Brandy Alexander” names of different drinks!!!! What do you think???


    196. So how long did it take everyone else to figure out this is a april fools hoax lol, and nicely done. Tom collins was a give away.


    197. “Fun Float Trips” are a huge part of MO summer tourism. Many people depend on the high volume summer weekends to financially carry them threw next summer. I understand safety and policing up all the trash, but banning ‘mixed drinks?’ This is ridiculous. As far as fishing goes, there are only a handful of MO rivers that entertain “Fun Float Trips.” There are thousands of better places to fish statewide. I’ve been canoeing MO rivers for over 10 years, every year more laws are being added, more people are being fined and arrested. Can’t even go on a vacation in the middle of the woods without getting messed with.


    198. Senior aide to the president Tom Collins?? April fools indeed.


    199. April Fools!!! They got all of you!!


    200. LOL! APRIL FOOLS. This would be discrimination on so many levels. Y’all are stupid.


    201. ^ Tom – marry me.


    202. Really people? Check the names in the article. This is an April fools joke. Instead of getting all crazy and mad, learn to read.


    203. This has got to be an April fools joke


    204. It’s an April fools joke.


    205. Haha April fools.


    206. YALL are dumb. It’s April Fools Day… Look at the names! I’ll have a Tom Collins, a Martini, and some brandy, on my next trip!


    207. this is absolute bull shit why is it always females that get yhe damn blame for everything i dont think that the mix drinks should b banned on the river lets worry about the drugs and shit like that and quit discriminating on women men are just as stupid when drunk if they are not worse


    208. LOL!!!! Gotcha :)))). Love April Fools :)))). Good one!!!!


    209. PEOPLE ITS AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!’ THERE IS NO MISSORI DEPARTMENT OF RIVERS AND STREAMS


    210. This is a fabulous April Fools joke. Well done. Everyone got so mad. The angry comments are probably the best part of this whole thing :D Haha! Oh gullible people.


    211. *******ATTENTION********. THIS IS AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE. LOOK AT THE NAMES INTERVIEWED. PLEASE BE MORE OBSERVANT.


    212. April fools!


    213. APRIL FOOLS


    214. Haha… all of you people that are ranting obviously cannot read! Still haven’t figured out how you even left a comment…. APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!! How many know what April Fools day came from and got its name?


    215. It’s an April fools joke.


    216. you guys!!! APRIL FOOLS!


    217. Tom Collins
      Pat Martini
      Changing laws without passing legislature
      April 1st

      You have all been had.


    218. I THINK FROM THE COMMENTS SECTION ALONE, we have shown them that gun control, abortion, and gay marriage may divide us but when it comes to mixed drinks on the river:
      UNITED WE WILL STAND!!!!
      Anarchy will be brought upon those who try pry my Jack Daniels from my drunk, wet, American hands on the river!!
      YeeYee!


    219. Take a closer look at the names people, Tom Collins=type of alcoholic drink, Paul MARTINI, BRANDY Alexander…sounds like an April fools joke to me…


    220. Did anyone notice the names of the people in this article? Do you really think this is true or something published to get people talking?


    221. I wonder if any of the paranoid alcoholic outdoor enthusiasts who commented (and by that I mean freaked out!) have calendars. Or cell phones. That give the date – April Fool’s Day! Martini? Tom Collins? Brandy Alexander? I wonder, where was Bloody Mary’s statement?!!! Gullible……… Lol


    222. Well played, well played. It is April 1, and I spy nearly 80 fools! Good grief–use a few of those brain cells not killed by Vodka tonics, fellow Missourians!


    223. Pretty sure this is an April Fools Joke. The names in the article are all mix drinks & there is no Mo department of Rivers & Streams. It’s Department of Conservation.


    224. I think its funny how yall think this is true hahahah


    225. Brandy alexander????? Paul martini???


    226. APRIL FOOLS!!! BAHAHHAHA


    227. You guys it was an april fools jone. Simma down!


    228. Lmao April Fools!!! They got u!


    229. APRIL FOOLS!!! Tom Collins, Paul Martini, Brandy Alexander… Come on people!!!!


    230. Hey you bunch of geniouse. Look at todays date and the names in the article. Tom collins, martini, and brandy. This was an April fool’s joke that everyone fell for. Think about i. Geez


    231. You all are suckers for falling for this. Posted on April fools day. Think about it…


    232. Any chance this is an April fools joke? Just guessing by the names being Tom Collins, Martini, and Brandy. Hahaha


    233. You would think it would be the other way around. How much trash do you have with mixed drinks, nothing! Beer on the other hand, alot of trash! Unbelievable!! It’s another way to get a ticket and make money! Come on people!


    234. Does anyone not realize this may be an april fools joke? Lol I mean seriously look at these names….brandy and martini? And then the suggestions at the bottom of the story? Too much irony. Lol


    235. If this WAS more than an April Fool’s Day joke, how exactly would it be considered discrimination as so many of you are claiming? I can’t believe there are so many people who don’t understand what civil liberties are!


    236. That’s a good April fools. Threw in names like Tom Collins, Brandy, Matini. Lol


    237. Looks like April Fools bahghaha


    238. I must say this is ridiculous & not to mention the fact that they are now promoting getting drunk prior to even entering a canoe…hmmm sounds as though this is more risky than floating & drinking. I think there is a better way & why gear it towards women? I know we are fierce even more so than men huh? Lets use our brains people & to think I moved back here from California & was looking forward to float trips…wow. What a disappointment. I think this should definitely be reconsidered…
      Sincerely,
      An educated woman who knows how to act safely on the river, thank you


    239. All of these comments and no one figured out it is an April fools joke! Lmao!!!


    240. Im surprised everyone who read that article didn’t notice the names and remember what today is…. April 1st


    241. April Fools


    242. You all just got April foolsed hard. Even harder than the mix drinks I will be enjoying on the river. Tom Collins, Paul martini, and Brandy Alexander. Notice a trend? Missouri department of rivers and streams? Not a real department. Not a surprise they pulled one over on the float trip crowd. Not the most educated people. Look for me on the river. I will be the guy drinking whiskey and throwing out Jell-O shots.


    243. I’m pretty sure this is an April fools joke guys! Don’t get too worked up!


    244. Lol this actually had me going until I realized the names of the people in the article. Nice April Fools guys!


    245. I am sure it wasn’t intentional, but the comments on this article are funnier than the article itself. There is no department of “Rivers and Streams” you morons. I figured out the joke a paragraph in.


    246. Are you kidding?! Keep it up and Missouri will lose what keeps people coming back. Good clean fun on OUR rivers and water ways. Go after the offenders and let the rest of us think for ourselves! We have rights! We want to keep them! Mixed drinks really, you think that is what makes girls flash? No stupid, it’s the boys! No more right infringing laws to make money by ticketing people, namely women before they have done anything wrong. Sounds more like fascism! Flat out discrimination! What country do you think you are in anyway! I vote, I stay informed, you won’t get my vote again! Earn what the tax payers pay you to up hold our rights!


    247. Tom Collins- a drink
      BRANDY Alexander- brandys a drink
      Paul MARTINI- a drink

      I’m pretty sure this is a April fools trick


    248. It is an APRIL FOOLS JOKE you ridiculous people! Look at the names of people mentioned. “Tom Collins” “Paul Martini” “Brandy”


    249. The fact that 95% of the commenters here are oblivious to the fact that this is a joke (even after multiple people have pointed it out) just goes to show that most people shouldn’t be allowed to breed.


    250. I hope this is just a haha April Fools moment!!!


    251. Cant beleive that you dont realize THIS IS A HUGE APRIL FOOL JOKE. CANT BELEUVE THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE THAT FELL FOR IT


    252. People chill! This is an April Fools joke. Speaking of fools…


    253. This has got to be an April fools joke. Tom Colin’s, brandy Alexander, Paul martini. Please tell me someone else caught that!


    254. Are you people even reading the article? Its a joke! 4-1-13.


    255. This was good, had me going…the names sunk in as I got to brandy’s that clued me in to the prank.

      P.S probably the best April fools I’ve seen in a long time. Playing with the laws always gets em!


    256. Very sexist and offensive… What about the men that get drunk off beer and get in fights and throw their beer cans down? I say we protest..


    257. Gotta be an April Fools gag people! Did you see the names in it? Tom Collins, Paul Martini, and Brandy Alexander? Don’t believe everything you see online!


    258. April Fools Day Folks


    259. How can you aim this law mostly at females? Several males that float in our group take mixed drinks. Heres the simple solution put it in a thermos or a cooler with a spout in it.


    260. Omg Jennifer tell us of this education that doesn’t allow you to see its a joke! You totally didn’t get it did you.


    261. Hello April Fool’s! Has no one else noticed the names of persons in the article are all mixed drink names?!


    262. Did anybody think maybe this was an April fools joke…duuuuhhh


    263. THIS IS TGE BEST APRIL FOOLS JOKE EVER! ONE….they are targeting women specifically…..that’s a give away that its a joke joke. Not to mention everyone’s name is a mixed drink!


    264. Does anybody know if this was just an April fools joke?


    265. This is an April fools day joke. There’s no such thing as “Missouri Streams and whatever” and this would have tons of law suits for being biased and sexist against women… Lol APRIL FOOLS! ;)


    266. It was an April fool’s day joke people…calm down lmfao…you’re all silly…and gullible.


    267. Posted on April 1st. All the names in the article are related to alcoholic drinks. Fake :)


    268. Did you all not get that this was an April fools joke? How simple are you??? Wow…….


    269. Well played Float Missouri, well played.


    270. This is one of the most insane things I have ever heard. Restricting mixed drinks because of trash is one thing but trying to say it will cut down on rowdiness, flashing and other unacceptable behavior is a JOKE! And just a FYI, most women make a big deal about litter not the men. Me personally when floating I am constantly making sure we have no loose trash in the boat. Good luck trying to stop this! You will have you work cut out for you.


    271. Lmao @ all the people who can’t see it was an obvious April fools joke


    272. This is an April fools joke everyone. The guys are named Tom Collins and Paul Martini!? Don’t be so gullible.


    273. Well the first clue that its a great joke is that Missouri does not have a Dept Of Rivers and Streams LOL..geesh…I guess people do not really do any kind of research at ALL. Pretty scary all these people believe it if its on the internet!…GREATEST April Fools prank ever!


    274. Well, now you owe me big-time! I just printed out the entire website from girlsgonewild.com and pasted to the outside of my canoe and covered with 3 coats of lacquer in an act of defiance. I’m sending you a bill.


    275. Lmao, very nice, almost had me but ha ha April fools. This is the best one yet…


    276. My friend Al Couhal has it right this time. Obama has his hands all over this because Michelle doesn’t like mixed drinks she is a Sam Adams kind of girl. When the Obama family decides to take their annual float trip on our dime they don’t want it ruined by boobs and the smell of rum and cokes. Damn liberals and their NASCAR watching beer drinking butts. I will no longer enjoy float trips awhile seeing extremely over weight breasts and hearing loud obnoxious teeny boppers sing songs they only know the chorus too. Those r things that make America great.


    277. Joyce :
      Well the first clue that its a great joke is that Missouri does not have a Dept Of Rivers and Streams LOL..geesh…I guess people do not really do any kind of research at ALL. Pretty scary all these people believe it if its on the internet!…GREATEST April Fools prank ever!

      Joyce you act all high and mighty and call this a joke. Well don’t be surprised when Obama comes knocking on your door to take all your guns and liquor. It’s happening folks. OPEN YOUR EYES!


    278. in related news, Will Hanke has been cited by the department for disorderly conduct. no more drinks for Mr. Hanke. lol!


    279. april fools day joke… right? if so, wow, a lot of you got suckered.


    280. Wait, no more drinks?! I take it all back! :)


    281. Seriously people…did you not read the names in the story…It’s a joke! April Fool’s


    282. This hilarious! And even funnier to see people start blaming President Obama.

      …..take our guns and liquor away…dork.


    283. LOL I am amazed that the day after this obvious prank, some folks are still irritated and indignant. It was a well crafted ruse people, a joke, levity even.


    284. Just plain stupid!


    285. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY STUPID!!! AS LONG AS YOUR BE RESPONSIBLE AND CLEAN UP YOUR MESS YOUR SHOULD BE ABLE TO DRINK WHATEVER YOU WANT!!! WE PERSONALLY TAKE OUR FLOAT TRIP AS OUR ADULT VACATION OF THE YEAR AND LOOK FORWARD TO ALL THE DRINKING AND FUN WITH FRIENDS!!! DUMB DUMB DUMB!!!


    286. If you believe this, you are gullible!


    287. Awesome! Another move towards Nazi America! I hate the Constitution that I upheld for 22 years of my life is destroyed by the same gov’t!


    288. I sure enjoyed all those that were upset with an APRIL FOOLS JOKE…..really shows those that are so gulible to BELIEVE this….HAHAHAHAHA


    289. One of the best April Fools Pranks! Even I fell for it at first. Great way to draw people to the web site and promote Float Missouri! Now drink those mixed drinks and just remember to not litter in our beautiful rivers.


    290. I fell for this when I first read it (in my defense, I didn’t read it until today so I wasn’t thinking about April Fool’s), I completely missed the names (Tom Collins, etc). BUT I’m amazed that there are still mad comments from people that think it’s true. Did no one else have to scroll through the 200+ comments where people were pointing out the things I missed?


    291. The reason so many people believed this is because it sounds like something they would do. Just another kind of ticket to give to make more money off of people. They already outlawed beer bongs on the river.

      There are some campgrounds/ rivers that are for families, there are others that are for partying (NRO). Partying WILL NOT stop on float trips. There will be beer, liquor , and boobies. Its up to the person/family to do their research and know where to go and when to go.

      Anyone who takes their family and young kids to NRO and doesnt expect to see debauchery is delusional. There are days, mainly all during the week where its normal. But Summer weekends are all Party. Go to a different camp (Bass River Resort) that is more family oriented.

      Just because YOU dont like to drink and float doesnt mean its ok to force that belief on others. Its a free country (well.. mostly) deal with it.


    292. Hey leave those gals on top of the page alone,look at those boobs.


    293. 1. Missouri Department of Rivers & Streams is not a real state agency. Anything like that would go through Department of Conservation
      2. It says at the top in red that it is an April Fools Joke (Which I didn’t notice either until someone pointed it out)


    294. I can not believe this People are just getting rid of stress and enjoying them selve’s.What’s next?Will we have to shave head’s to go on a float trip or be told what kind of food we can eat when we’re floating !!!!!!!!!!! this is suppose to be a free country this isn’t China or Korea this is suppose to be AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know that place where you are free.W e all better wake up the government is making to many decisions for us and we are just letting them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    295. Honestly I have to just say WTF! I have always followed the law and I have waited until I finally turned 21 to drink on the rivers on float trips and the YEAR I FINALLY turn 21 they outlaw mixed drinks on the river. WTH, no, this is not even fair! I can not even express the level of anger this provokes inside me when I think about this! I hate beer and I feel this is discriminatory towards women because like it says we are the ones consuming the majority of mixed drinks.


    296. Is it really a joke? I have been freaking out for like over a month when I read an article on this originally. lol


    297. OMG THIS WAS AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE IT IS SO FUNNY HOW GULLABLE PEOPLE ARE THEY CAN’T TARGET JUST WOMEN LIKE THAT ANYMORE THIS ISN’T 60 YEARS AGO:)


    298. this is very bad next thing the law will be telling us what kind of boat we can float

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