I have made a point of going on at least one float trip every year since 1978. After more than thirty-four years, I feel that I have achieved a certain expertise—not in the way I paddle, but in my observations of couples on the river.

I am a firm believer in the Relationship Float Trip Test. I believe that every state should pass a Pre-Marital Float Trip Law. Providing that a couple can pass this assessment, they would be issued a marriage license and not one second before. If a couple can survive a ten mile float, remain in the same canoe, and not want to kill one another, they have a good relationship, and in my opinion, could survive and thrive in marriage.

Floating tests the patience, adaptability, endurance, and love of a couple almost from the start. For some couples, the bus trip to the put-in is the high point of the day. If someone forgets the cooler or they’ve pre-partied and puke on their shoes before even hitting the water, a couple may want to reconsider. If it’s this ugly now, it’s only going to get uglier later. Save everyone the drama and ride the bus back to town.

Having made it to the river, it can rapidly go downhill from there sometimes as soon as just trying to get into the canoe especially if both parties are first timers. Previous but separate paddling experience will help, but canoeing as a couple is a completely different breed of float tripping.

For starters, “floating” is a misnomer. No one “floats” downstream, they paddle. Maneuvering a canoe down a waterway is a joint effort. From the person up-front who provides the speed to the person in-the-back who does the steering, it’s a rare couple that can get downriver without pissing off each another.

Because a person sits above the waterline, canoes are top heavy and prone to tipping. Tipping results in getting wet, losing your gear, and eventually assigning blame to the person who “caused” the failure. At Mile 1 of a ten mile trip, nervous laughter is usually associated with a tip over; laughter and the naïve assurance that it’s not going to happen again. At Mile 5, the laughter fades and it’s with a disgruntled resilience that the canoeing couple propels forward. A tip over at Mile 9 is grounds for dissolution of the relationship. Ask either party, and they will blame the other.

I’ve seen marriages literally “hit the rocks” and fail on a float trip. Couples have separated, with one getting into the canoe of strangers, leaving a partner behind to paddle downstream alone. This, in turn, results in the phenomena of a “river wheelie”—canoeing with the front end sticking two to three feet out of the water—for the remaining miles all the while cursing whoever thought a float trip was a good idea in the first place.

For the first-time couple who arrives at the pull-out without having once considered the homicide of their significant other, a brass band playing the Hallelujah Chorus awaits. After thirty-four years of floating and observing, I’m still waiting to see that band.

Despite a shaky, first float, some couples make floating an annual event, and eventually, they get it right. It’s a joy to see these couples work as a team as they swiftly load gear, store coolers, assume their positions, and take off with a purpose. Their masterful stroking carries them far ahead of the pack and they enjoy a relaxing day on the river. With enough practice, any couple can do it.

Good luck, keep calm, and paddle on.

There’s nothing like spending time with your family and friends floating down one of Missouri’s picturesque rivers, camping in the great outdoors and sleeping under the stars. Though one of the most affordable ways for families to take a vacation, float trips seem to get more expensive each year. With prices at the pump soaring, increasing fees for camping permits and rising costs for boats and camping gear, many families are looking for ways to save as much money as possible so they can take more trips next year. Here are some money saving tips for your next float trip:

Pooling your resources with another family or friends who also enjoy camping is one way to save money on your next float trip. If one of you has an SUV, pile your gear on the luggage rack or split the costs of renting a trailer. This frees up enough seats for everyone so you can also split the cost of gas and other supplies. With a larger group of people on the same float trip there are more hands available for pitching tents, gathering firewood and cooking.

Another way to save money on your next float trip is to use what you already have. You don’t need to buy a special set of pots and pans just for camping. You can use what you have at home. Nor do you need to spend another $100 for a sleeping bag. For a few bucks you can pick up a mylar “space blanket” and bring a blanket from home. Dish towels, pot holders, salt and pepper shakers work the same on a float trip as they do in your kitchen at home. And before you make a trip to the grocery store, look in your fridge or pantry. Make a list of all the items you already have like eggs, catsup, mustard, pickles and any frozen hot dogs left over from the last trip. By the same token, make sure you have enough supplies like water, camping fuel and food to last the whole trip. The last thing you want to do is waste time and money making another trip into town because you ran out of something.

Garage sales, newspaper classifieds and Craig’s List are great ways to find used equipment that’s for sale. Pick up a portable stove for 50% to 80% less than retail pricing. Despite the dings and scratches on the lid, it will cook as well as a portable stove that’s new.

Alkaline batteries can put a dent in your wallet when it comes to powering up your flashlights, radios and other electrically powered devices. Fortunately, newer technologies like kinetic batteries, crank-style flashlights and radios and solar charged devices make having enough alkaline batteries a thing of the past, keeping more of your hard earned dollar in your wallet. Check out the electronics department at your local home improvement store or online.

When it comes to keeping the food cool in our coolers, most of us opt to use bags of cubed ice. Did you know that block ice lasts much longer? Cubed ice melts quickly and often waterlogs your food, resulting in more trips to the store. It’s also helpful to pack frozen hotdogs and hamburger meat at the last minute, using them as extra ice.

When making your reservation with the campground, check to see if they have any large sites available. Many campgrounds have large sites for larger groups of people with multiple vehicles. Camping with a large group allows you to split the campsite fee which can be more reasonable than a standard campsite fee.

Following these simple money saving tips will keep more money in your family’s budget for your float trips next season.

A Missouri summer isn’t complete without a float trip down one of the state’s many floatable rivers.  Unfortunately, Missouri’s summer heat can be brutal.  By the end of July the sun has heated much of the rivers’ water to temperatures that mimic bath water which is why having a Fresh Fog 80042 Electric Outdoor Cooling Misting System Kit on hand can make even the hottest of float trips much more bearable.  When air conditioning isn’t available, a cooling misting system is a camper’s best defense when it comes to keeping cool and preventing heat stroke.

The Fresh Fog 80042 Electric Outdoor Cooling Misting System Kit has a whisper quiet Induction Motor that keeps your campsite quiet while cooling you off to a more comfortable temperature.  This outdoor cooling system has a high pressure pump and special fogging nozzles that produce a fine mist of very small water droplets that quickly evaporate.  This keeps you and your fellow campers both cool and dry.

Click to purchase

Fresh Fog 80042 Electric Outdoor Cooling Misting Systems have made appearances on patios, backyards, gazebos, pool areas, sun decks and greenhouses across the country but they’re also ideal on camping trips.  All you have to do is connect the fogging nozzles to a high pressure hose, hang it from a preferred location, connect water hoses, plug in the machine and your hot and humid float trip is transformed into one that has the temperature just right.  A 19.7-foot high pressure feeder hose, up to an additional 32.8-feet of high pressure misting hose, 10 stainless steel misting nozzles, 2 elbow connectors, 10 inter-connectors, and 15 plastic ties let you cool larger areas to accommodate more campers looking to cool off.

Transporting your Fresh Fog 80042 Electric Outdoor Cooling Misting System is easily managed.  A heavy duty storage and carrying case protects your cooling misting system when it’s not in use while making the cooling misting system much easier to transport.

Whether you need to cool off at your campsite or the boat dock, the Fresh Fog 80042 Electric Outdoor Cooling Misting System is the perfect way to combat Missouri’s dog days of summer.  Easy to transport and setup, the Fresh Fog 80042 Electric Outdoor Cooling Misting System lets you create a comfortable campsite despite Missouri’s hot temperatures and humidity.

If you’re one of the diehards who enjoy taking a float trip in early spring and late fall, you know what a challenge it is to stay warm in a tent. While there’s nothing like the smell of a campfire and waking up to a silence that is only experienced when the crowds have all gone, nights can be dog gone frigid. The following tips can help to keep you stay warmer on those chilly nights.

Chemical hand warmers are ideal for keeping your fingers and toes limber but when it comes to sleeping outside, it’s better to use a larger one, positioning it around your kidneys. Keeping your core warm also keeps your fingers and toes warm as well. And don’t assume that all toe and hand warmers are the same. Toe and hand warmers vary as they have different air-to-chemical mixtures geared for gloves (an air-rich environment) or for boots (an air-starved area). Use a boot warmer in a glove and it will be too hot and fizzle out too quickly. A hand warmer in a boot won’t heat well at all.

Another strategy for staying warm is diet. Eating foods that are high in protein and fat will keep your metabolism running high which will generate heat. Be sure to eat a high calorie die and stay well hydrated. These two things help to keep you warm. And contrary to popular belief, alcohol consumption does not keep you warm, at least for very long. While drinking alcohol may keep you warm in the short-term, with your blood rushing to the skin, you won’t stay warm very long. In fact, consuming alcohol is actually counterproductive when it comes to staying warm in your tent.

Another way to stay warm on a chilly night is with an insulated tent. With an insulated tent like Arctic Oven, the inside of your tent stays warm with just body heat. You can warm up your insulated tent even more with the help of a lantern or stove. Insulated tents are warmer than traditional wall tents and light and easy to set up. Insulated tents are available in several sizes and styles.

In addition to wearing stocking caps and long johns and using insulated pads, there’s another trick that experienced campers and hunters use to stay warm in their tents on chilly nights. Consider pouring a boiling pot of water into a one-liter Nalgene bottle, capping it off and throwing it into the bottom of your sleeping bag. Doing this on a chilly night will keep your sleeping bag toasty. By filling the bottle to the brim and removing all the air the bottle will stay warm all night. This is a technique (rubber hot water bottles) many households used years ago. If you’re really savvy, you’ll fill the bottle with boiling coffee. In the morning you’ll be able to enjoy coffee in bed that’s just the right drinking temperature.

When it comes to taking a float trip in early spring and late fall, you need to be prepared for chilly nights. Larger sized chemical and toe warmers, eating foods high in protein and fat, using an insulated tent and pouring boiling water into a one-liter Nalgene bottle and throwing it into the bottom of your sleeping bag are some of the best strategies for staying warm. Sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite.

On April 1, 2013, we published an article titled New Alcohol Law Targets Floaters which basically said the Missouri Department of Rivers & Streams (which I made up) had passed a law banning mixed drinks from the rivers.  This article was simply an April Fools prank (and most were smart enough to get that) – yet it riled the feathers of many – from the ‘river purists’ to the party floaters.  Nonetheless, it was simply an April Fools joke and nothing more.

However…

As the folks at Riverside Canoe in Caulfield, MO pointed out, there is a lot of misinformation out there about what drinks are allowed, what things you can and can’t take on the river, etc.  I agree, there is.  And while we never meant to increase the amount of misinformation, it happened.  As the owner of FloatMissouri, I would be remiss if I didn’t help fix that problem, which is what I’m going to do.

Over the next few weeks, we will be gathering questions from readers and fans such as yourself.  We will then address each of these questions and get answers from those in the know – and we’ll create a set of pages on our website that answer all of these questions for you and all future floaters.

So let us have it – what question related to what you can and can’t do on the river do you need answered?

Name: Pat Sutcliffe

Email: pat@canoemissouri.com

Customer Comments:

As an advertiser on Float Missouri I was wondering if you might consider asking the people who maintain the site to put a retraction on the “real funny joke” they posted yesterday?  It is causing tremendous problems.

It didn’t end up being very funny for the canoeing industry in Missouri.

Thanks!

Pat Sutcliffe

This letter was sent to one of our advertisers after our New Alcohol Law Targets Floaters April Fools post gained, let’s just say, a little attention. Below is my response to Mr./Mrs. Sutcliffe.

Hi Pat,

I think you’d have to be in a pretty big hole in the ground to not realize how much publicity the canoeing industry got yesterday.  More people were talking about floating yesterday than probably any other day this year or last, I’m sure.  We had calls from several outfitters, as well as comments left on our Facebook page about how funny they found it, and the fact that they were receiving calls was a nice way to jump-start their season.

Several radio stations throughout the state were talking about floating yesterday and today.  Many websites around the nation posted about the April Fools joke, citing the floating industry in Missouri as a great tourism draw.

FloatMissouri.com is Missouri’s number one floating site, and this year we’ll have over 200,000 visitors that are interested in canoeing, kayaking, camping and more in our magnificent state.  We have over 15,000 fans of floating on our Facebook page, and it’s growing every day.

I personally do not appreciate you contacting my advertisers about my site, I don’t see the point, either.  Their phones were ringing off the hooks yesterday.  Perhaps you and the folks at CanoeMissouri should reconsider your ways and embrace the opportunity to shine in front of a few MILLION people that were talking about floating yesterday.

Will Hanke

FloatMissouri.com

NOTE: The following article was an April Fools joke and is NOT real.

In a surprising announcement this morning, the Missouri Department of Rivers & Streams has announced a new initiative to keep mixed drinks off rivers throughout the state. The move, announced this morning at a press conference in Jefferson City, is aimed particularly at female floaters who consume most of the mixed drinks.

Senior Aide to the Department President Tom Collins announced the new initiative just before the summer floating season gets underway.

Sorry girls, not this year!

“We believe removing mixed drinks from the floating equation will help curb several things – rowdiness, flashing and other unacceptable behavior.  And on top of that, the annual cleanup savings should save the rivers from approximately 42 metric tons of ‘mixed drink trash’ each year.”

Beer is not banned in the new initiative. When asked about this new law being aimed particularly at females, Mr. Collins declined to comment.

Paul Martini, owner of Paul’s Canoes & Camp just outside of Van Buren Missouri, was not happy to hear the news this past weekend.  ”We make a pretty good bit of money off of vodka and rum.  For it to be banned from the river really puts a damper on our visitors’ fun and will probably result in less floaters this year. With less women drunk, less men will show up.  It’s a vicious circle and the outfitters lose the most.”

The new law does not ban the sale of spirits, but rather says that no containers on the river may have any mixed drinks in them. Beer in cans will be the only drink allowed in coolers on Missouri’s rivers this year.

Brandy Alexander, waitress at Top Dog Pizza in Steeleville is very used to catering to large crowds of fun-seeking floaters.  ”This year is going to be different. If you don’t like beer, you’re going to have to drink before you get on the water, or after the float at a place like this,” she says. “It’s going to be weird this summer, that’s for sure. I like Bud Light, so it doesn’t bother me as much, but I know my friends won’t be happy to hear this.”

There is a followup press conference scheduled for next Monday, April 8. We will report any changes and updates to the new law at that time.

After a long day of floating on the river, tired families want to set up their tent and campsite as quickly as possible.  That’s why the Coleman Red Canyon 17-Foot by 10-Foot 8-Person Modified Dome Tent is ideal for Missouri summer float trips.  Affordable and easy to pitch, no family should be without the Coleman Red Canyon Modified Dome Tent on their next summer float trip.

The Coleman Red Canyon Modified Dome Tent is 17 by 10 feet with a 72-inch center height giving families 170 square feet of living space and the ability to stand up comfortably inside.  Still doesn’t sound very big?  Well it’s bigger than most college dorm rooms.  And it’s big enough that many families take advantage of using the included room dividers to create three separate rooms – one for the kids, one for eating and a third for the adults.  These dividers make the Coleman Red Canyon Modified Dome Tent versatile while also providing you with some privacy.

The Coleman Red Canyon Modified Dome Tent is also easy to pitch thanks to shock-corded, color-coded tent poles.  Easy-to-follow instructions make pitching and disassembling the Coleman Red Canyon Modified Dome Tent something that two people, even entry-level campers, can do in approximately 15 minutes.

With Missouri’s hot and humid summer nights camping families need plenty of air flow for a comfortable night’s sleep.  Another feature that makes the Coleman Red Canyon Modified Dome Tent the perfect choice for Missouri summer float trips is its Cool-Air port and Variflo adjustable venting system which allows campers to adjust airflow into the tent as well as easily access gear.

Missouri’s summer weather is not only hot and humid it’s also unpredictable, with thunderstorms quickly sweeping in and out of the area.  This is why few families put their trust in the weatherman and prepare for nearly any weather situation they might encounter on their next Missouri summer float trip.  With the Coleman Red Canyon Modified Dome Tent families are prepared for dry or wet weather.  With Coleman’s exclusive Weathertec System, you’re guaranteed to keep dry from unexpected wet weather on your next float trip.

With so many amenities that are useful and essential aspects of a luxury shelter the Coleman Red Canyon Modified Dome Tent is the perfect tent for Missouri summer float trips.

​For adventure seeking souls on float trips, there’s nothing like the adrenaline rush from cliff diving. Yet every summer injuries and deaths are reported because of it. Whether your friends dare you to do it or you took the initiative yourself, it’s always important to remember that jumping off a cliff is dangerous. Cliff diving should only be done under expert supervision when you’re a beginner. In fact, it should never be done alone, no matter how experienced you think you are. Here are some tips for cliff diving.

Before you jump, make sure there’s a significant amount of water underneath the cliff. If the drop is 30-40 feet, you’ll need water that’s at least 12 feet deep. This water also needs to be free of objects like rocks, logs and other debris found in rivers and streams. You’ll need to take wave action into account too. Be sure that when the wave is out you still have the minimum amount of water depth below you. And a little research goes a long way. You can check out the World High Diving Federation guidelines for height and depth measurements to reduce your risk for bruises, broken bones, concussion, dislocated joints, compressed spine, injured discs, paralysis and even death. You can also ask boaters, locals and other jumpers who have already jumped off the same cliff. These experienced jumpers may also have some tips they can share. There are also laws regarding certain cliffs. Make sure you’re aware of those before you jump too.

Cliff diving requires secure and aerodynamic bathing suits. This gear needs to stay on when you land in the water! Soft cloth shorts and tennis shoes are good for cliffs over 30 feet. But a wetsuit is ideal since it provides impact cushioning between your skin and the water when you hit the surface. Leave your glasses with your friends and you can wear contacts provided you can keep your eyes shut until your surface.

When you’re cliff diving, the last thing you want are any surprises. That’s why you should have your friends, at least two snorkelers, swim underneath the cliff as “spotters” for possible dangers. They need to look for hidden rocks, branches, tree limbs or any other objects that could injure you when you jump and hit the water. You’ll also want to check the cliff itself for any obstacles like any snags, parts jutting out or anything that could break your fall. Additionally, you should check for the safest way back to shore so you can avoid riptides and other rocks. And never underestimate the wind either. Enough wind could slam you back into the cliff.

Another factor that makes cliff diving so dangerous is the speed of impact. If you jump from 20 feet above the water, you’ll hit the water at 25 mph. As resilient as the human body is, such velocity can compress your spine, break your bones and even cause a concussion. This is why the World High Diving Federation recommends that cliff dives of 65.5 feet or higher only take place with professional scuba divers positioned in the water.

If the above safety criterion have been met, you’re almost ready to make a great jump. But do you know how to properly dive? The problem is too many people think they know when in reality they don’t. When cliff diving you need to propel yourself off the cliff, using your knees as a propulsion unit. You should stand erect, with your feet together, arms raised straight above your head and your knees bent. Next, bring your arms down at hip level and sweep them forward as you drive forward with your legs. When you leap straight out, your body should be perpendicular to the water. On your way down arch your back so gravity can pull you to a vertical position. Your goal in the air is to be as straight as possible, like a pencil. Once you’re straight, raise your arms over your head and make a fist with your right hand, locking your left hand over it and pointing your toes to the water. Never attempt to land on your face, stomach or bottom as you risk serious injury. Once you’ve hit the water you should stretch out your legs and arms and arch your back. This keeps you from sinking too deep in the water. Swim to the surface and wave to your friends to let them know you’re okay.

Whether you prefer a relaxing day on the water or an exhilarating experience in the outdoors, canoes offer something for everyone when it comes to float trips. Unfortunately, too many people on the water assume they know everything there is to know about paddling a canoe. Because most people have been in a canoe at least once or twice, it’s a common misconception that there is nothing to know about paddling a canoe. But look around the next time you’re floating downstream and you’ll see plenty of people fumbling around in their canoes at the mercy of the current and without a clue about how to control their movement. Learning the proper techniques of paddling a canoe will empower you to more efficiently handle a canoe on the water and prevent soreness at the end of the day. In this three part series, we’ll explain the proper way to hold a paddle, the anatomy of a stroke, types of canoe strokes and how to paddle a canoe in tandem.

While it may seem obvious and we might sound like your mother, it’s important that you and your kids wear a life jacket/PFD before taking your first step into a canoe. From beginners to advanced paddlers, PFDs can be confusing with all the straps and buckles. No two are alike. Be sure that your life jacket fits tight enough around your middle that it doesn’t lift off your shoulders and above your face when you raise both arms straight above your head. See our previous article on Properly Fitting a Life Jacket.

Once your life jacket is on you’re ready to grab a paddle and get in. Learning how to properly hold a canoe paddle from the beginning will prevent a lot of issues from occurring like a loss of power, unnecessary fatigue and in some cases tendinitis. Place your top hand on the top of the canoe paddle. The back of the top hand will be facing upward when your paddle is oriented vertically, your top hand clutching the stem of the paddle. Place your lower arm/bottom hand on the throat of the paddle. Holding the paddle horizontally in front of you, your arms should be holding the paddle wider than your shoulders’ width apart. Your lower arm and grip holds the paddle and generates the most power while your upper arm and grip creates the balance and accuracy of the stroke.

Once you understand how to properly hold a canoe paddle, you’re ready to learn the anatomy of canoe strokes. No matter what type of canoe stroke you use, all of them have three phases – the catch phase, the power phase and the recovery phase. Understanding the purpose of each phase will help you to master each type of canoe stroke that much more quickly. Though kayakers and canoeists may be required to vary parts or one or all of these phases, each phase still exists.

During the catch phase of a paddle stroke the paddle enters the water. In the case of a forward stroke, the catch phase entails the paddler placing the paddle in the water as far forward alongside the canoe or kayak as the paddler can with the face of the paddle entering the water perpendicular to the direction of the stroke. The power phase follows. Also known as the propulsion phase, it is during the power phase that the canoe or kayak is pulled through the water. The third phase is the recovery phase when the paddle is removed from the water and the paddler sets up the beginning phase for his next stroke. Good form during the recovery phase helps with the paddler’s execution of the next stroke. Now you’re ready to learn how to execute the forward stroke, j-stroke and draw stroke.